What I'm Loving . . .

 I'm loving . . . that in two days I will be in Dallas with Niki and Whitney, Neely, and some other fabulous ladies! I cannot explain how excited I am about it. 

I'm loving . . . these cowboy boots. I could totally be a cowboy-boot-aholic. I really need like ten pairs. haha!

I'm loving . . . that I only have three more days of class left. Then finals and I'm done with the semester!!  Enough said. 

I'm loving . . . this white cotton dress. It is just so cute!! I wish I had found it earlier, and I would have ordered it to wear this weekend! 

I'm loving . . . that the tornados and severe weather are finally gone from Arkansas for a little while. Hopefully, anyway. 

I'm loving . . . this adorable bedding set. I've been scouting for Ryanne a new set for the big girl bed transition. Not that I'm rushing it, because I'm totally not. I'm keeping her in a crib until she's five if I can get away with it! 

I'm loving . . . this sweet mom's necklace I found on etsy. I could really buy like 20 of the "mom" necklaces, but I guess I should wait until I finish collecting kids to start collecting necklaces. haha! 

I'm loving . . .  this Hobo wallet. I've loved this style of wallet ever since I discovered them, but it's time for a new one!! 

I'm loving . . . that my books for the summer semester are going to cost $627. Oh wait, no I'm not. I got confused there for a minute. I mean what is in these books, gold? Maybe I should quit college and just be a book publisher instead. HA! 

I'm loving . . . this adorable top! Again, wish I had found it sooner. Totally would wear it this weekend. 

I'm loving . . . this linen dress. I think I'll be rocking it with cowboy boots soon. 

I'm loving . . . this one too!! I think that's all. haha! I could be a professional shopper, with someone else's money of course.  

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Anniversary

From the very beginning, he knew what he wanted. Over and over he asked me on dates, but I stubbornly refused. I finally agreed, and just a few short weeks later he proposed the first time. He proposed three times before I agreed. Third time is a charm, right? ,

Apparently it was. Three years ago, I married my best friend. It was the best decision I have ever made.

I am so proud to call him my husband. God could not have blessed me with a better man. "My beloved is mine, and I am his" Song of Solomon 2:16


He is hard working, dedicated, and loyal beyond words. His dedication to the things he takes on amazes me each day.

He is a strong Christian, and so great at leading me and guiding me. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ~ Ephesians 5:23

He is stubborn, but the same stubborn when he's defending or fighting for us. Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find?  The righteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children after him ~ Proverbs 20:6-7

He is my stronghold when I need him. He has a passion to help everyone around him like no one I've ever met.

He is a great father, friend, and person. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. ~ Song of Solomon 8:7  

Happy Anniversary, Babe! Thank you for putting up with my craziness and loving me the way you do.


Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8


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I learned

*Disclaimer: I typically do not write with profanity, nor do I condone its use but in order for you to fully understand the situation, I'm sharing the exact words that were said to me. Please excuse the curse words, and I apologize if you take offense.*


He stormed into the house, slamming doors and screaming profanity. The hollow walls echoed as he emphasized his radical thoughts. My sisters and I sat in their room trembling as his rage tore through the house.


We knew his next move would be directed at us. We just didn't know which one of us, or what for.


His footsteps stormed eerily down the hall just moments before he slammed the door open with emphasis that knocked the pictures off the wall.


"Leah, damn you! What the fuck have you done? Why on Earth did you have someone else look at my property?" he belted.


Earlier in the day, my car had overheated and my boyfriend suggested that something was wrong with the radiator. I didn't realize it was criminal to have someone keep my car from exploding.


Somehow my mother distracted him long enough to relocate his rage to their bedroom in an effort to diffuse his fury and keep my younger sisters from witnessing the terror she knew would ensue.


"Leah, damn it. Get your ass in here." he screamed as I stepped terrified into their room.


His fists shook as his thunderous body stomped toward me. He slung his arm into the air and through the wall, pelting my hair with sheetrock as I backed against the wall.


"I'm going to stick my fist so far through your Dad's skull that his brains come out the back. Who would even want such an ignorant child as you?"


Tears streamed down my face, and I trembled as his rant continued.


His fury was out of control. He thrust his arm toward my throat, pinning me to the wall as my heart raced and I gasped for air.


"Mike, let her go!" my mom cried.


"Shut up, Bitch, or you're going to be next," he responded with more fury than before.


She cradled back into the corner of the room, and I stayed within his grasp.


I clenched my eyes closed with all my might and prayed that God would stop his fury. Tears streamed from my eyes as I wished to just get through this moment. I knew God could get me out of it, and only God could get me out of it.


Somehow, through God's grace, he loosened his grasp and I sprinted free. I sprinted outside into the pouring rain. My tears melted with the rain as I ran down the street. My feet pounded against the pavement. I could hear the impact of each step, but it was not an impact of fear but of gratitude.


I got away, and I would never go back.


That instant taught me that it is not okay to be treated that way. It is not okay to dread the hour he comes home every night. It is not okay to fear every breath you breathe. It is not okay to have someone lay a finger on you.


It is not okay to dread each day. Thank God I don't have to.


This post was prepared in response to a RemembeRED prompt for The Red Dress Club. The prompt asked the writer to recall a time when something seemed horrible but, looking back, actually brought you something wonderful

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Easter 2011

He isn't here! He is risen from the dead, just as he said would happen. Come, see where his body was lying. ~ Matthew 28:6 


There is nothing more amazing than knowing that you have eternal life because Jesus sacrificed for us. Easter is such a wonderful time, and I just love celebrating the fact that I will always be alive in Christ. What a blessing that is! 

We gave Ryanne her Easter basket on Saturday because Trey had to work today. She just loved it! I think the bubbles and chalk were her favorites. She loved the suckers, too but what kid doesn't? 

This morning, we went to church with my Grandma. The cemetery adjacent to her Church is where my grandfather is buried, and the Church and cemetery host memorial services the 4th Sunday of April every year, which just happened to be Easter this year (this has only happened once in the last 100 years!). It was so great to be in the Church I grew up in again, and to see all of those old faces. Some days it just feels surreal that I'm an adult, and have my own sweet baby girl. 

After Church, we went to my Mom's to die eggs and they "hid" eggs for Ryanne to hide. Mom got Ryanne a basket too with bubbles, and she had the best time blowing them. 

Megan, my youngest sister, loves entertaining Ry. She calls her "Mee-gan" and I find it quite hilarious ; ) 

It is so fun to watch her run around the yard hunting for eggs. It is so much more fun to be a mom and watch her do these things than it ever was as a child!! 

We then went inside and dyed eggs. I wasn't brave enough to attempt this alone, but it went great. Ryanne absolutely loved it. She was so amused with the eggs changing color, and she would pick them up and drop them again just to watch the splash. haha!

 She thought it was amusing to put the egg stickers all over herself, and us too!

The oldest of my sisters, Kelsey, made lunch for us. It was so good. Who knew she was such a good cook?? 

I just love this cute pictures of Ryanne. There aren't many times in her life I can get away with taking a picture of her booty ; ) haha! Like her diaper cover? It came from my friend Ashley at SheSheMade. She's in the process of moving right now, so her shop is closed down for a little while but go check her out in June, because her stuff is awesome! 

I hope that each and everyone of you had a fabulous Easter. I know bunnies and eggs is certainly not the meaning behind Easter, and I love trying to teach Ryanne the true meaning but until she can understand it better, the fluff stuff sure is fun! : ) 

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Secret Mommyhood Confession

I feed my child what she wants to eat with little regard to nutrition.

I was once a very, very picky eater. Now I've just been downgraded to a very picky eater.

But that helps me to understand the pain of forcing a child to eat things they don't want to. Have you ever tried to force a toddler to eat? Good luck with that!

If she wants macaroni? It's macaroni she gets.

Spaghettios? Sweettarts? Pickles? Pepperoni? She eats what she wants.

I don't need to make it complicated.

Go ahead, judge me.

Life is too short to fight her. I choose my battles, and this just isn't one of them worth fighting.

Yes, I slip her jelly beans when we're at the doctor and I want her to hush.

Yes, I let her eat the middle of 18 peanut butter crackers instead of forcing her to eat all of 6 crackers.

Yes, I let her eat 3 cans of spaghettios in one day because its the only thing she eats all of every.single.time.

She doesn't eat bread. Or chocolate. Or beef.

She does eat string cheese. And canned corn. And peaches. And grapes. And candy. And ketchup.

It's not going to kill her. {and if you think it is, clearly you do not belong here reading my blog ; ) }

But hey, I do give her multivitamins, so I get bonus points for that, right??

Flashback!

I'm joining in on Neely's link up to share a trip down memory lane with you. Apparently I only have pictures from early childhood and high school, so that's what you get to enjoy. haha! 

This is me as a toddler, obviously : ) 

This picture has some crazy scratch on it, but it was too hilarious not to share. I think I was 3 or 4 here? 

Playing with the dogs at my grandpas 

Easter . . . 

This was 9th grade prom

This was one of my "senior" pictures taken way before I was actually a senior . . . I can't remember why. ha!

This is from my high school graduation speech . . .  

This is my Dad and I at homecoming my senior year of high school 

Spirit week. Only in Arkansas is Camo Day a part of spirit week. 

This was before senior prom. She threatened to leave my hair like this. ha! ; ) 

This was sometime in high school, I think. I couldn't get my boots off and my grandma thought it was hilarious. 

We went to a Razorback game for FCA during senior year. 

This is Trey, not me, but I thought it was too cute not to share. Who do you think Ryanne looks most like? 

And . . . this is Trey and I at high school prom. 

If you want to see everyone else's pictures, go visit Neely and have a good laugh : ) 

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Dear Fear,

Dear You,

Yeah, You. Over there. Hiding in the corner. Lurking in the shadows of my heart, trying relentlessly to creep into my mind with every passing second.

From the depths you trickle up, terrifying me to send Trey to work. "He's not going to come home. There will be a fire tonight that will burn your life together, and it will never be the same," you say.

I watch Ryanne play in the yard, and you're there blowing your deep, raspy breaths into my ear. "She's going to fall and hurt herself." you suggest. "What if she has a deadly disease and you don't even know? What kind of mom does that make you?" echoes through my mind.

As the three of us drive down the highway, I see your devil horns in the rear view mirror tempting me to give in. "That semi is going to whisk them both away as quickly as they were given to you." Your hollow icy voices hangs in my mind.

You want me to fear each breath we take, to fear in every instant that those breaths could be ripped away. Your cologne of misery hangs in the air, and your cape of fear encompasses me at times.

Let me just tell you: I will make this request only once before it gets ugly. Go away!

Get your rigid voice and the horrid thoughts that accompany them out of my head.

Life is too precious to worry about the what ifs with each passing moment.

You linger closely by and keep me from truly enjoying the time I do have with my loved ones, and for that I will be eternally resentful.

Consider this your legal notification of divorce.

I'm keeping my husband though, and Ryanne of course. I'm also going to have custody of all the children, pets, and moments of our future. I'm not sharing custody of my joy any longer.

You can sign over the papers that control my thoughts.

You, however, can take with you those eery moments that so often have consumed my mind. Take that hollow emptiness of a soul and go.

You can have the fear, the doubt, and the worry.

I don't ever want to see you again. Farewell, my foe.

This post was written in response to The Red Dress Club's prompt this week. "Write a letter to your deepest, darkest fear." As always, constructive criticism is welcomed and appreciated. 

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