So I have decided to start a new tradition. I don't know if it will stick, but for now meet thankful thursdays. My husband and I have been in and out of churches searching for the right one for the past several months , and have made a new commitment to ourselves and to our family to pray together every night, and to be thankful for the blessings in our life. Don't get me wrong, to all you new readers out there, I am not perfect. Far from it. I cuss (way too frequently). I get mad. I yell. and I'm not nice sometimes. But I'm trying to be better. I'm trying to be thankful. I really do have so many blessings and sometimes I just feel defeated. I think it will help me to hold my head high if I recognize some of the things in my life I have to be thankful for.
This past week, I think I have cried myself to sleep about 3 times, maybe more. I simply am not where I hoped to be in life. I had so much going for me when I left high school, and so much ahead of me. All (Not all, but a lot of) the things I said I would never do, I did. All the things I said I would do, I didn't. Right now, I "should've been" a college graduate heading off to graduate school, getting prepared to be married and working on the beginnings of a fabulous career. None of this is true.
I am at least two years from college graduation, and I left my dream school to move back home. Oh yeah, thankful thursday. All of my "dreams" did not come true. But instead, God has blessed me with a new - but definetely different - set of dreams for my life, and many of those new dreams have been fulfilled.
I have a wonderful husband that I never dreamed of having, and he is truly my best friend and such a wonder to have in my life.
I have a beautiful baby girl that is full of happiness and wonder.
I have a gorgeous brand new house. I have an exceptional family. I have my Dad back, and his wife and her daughter. It is so great to really be able to spend time with him again. I have so many blessings that it is really unfair to think otherwise, or to worry about the judgement that people pass on me because I didn't do everything I was capable of.
I look at my life some days and think that I am a failure. I didn't graduate summa cum laude from the U of A. I am not a Razorback alumni as I always dreamed of being. I didn't go to medical school, and I probably won't cure cancer. I didn't do things the "accepted way" but I did them my way. I'm not sure I could've made through the loss of my grandpa if I didn't know that I had Ryanne on the way. My daughter goes to daycare, and I have no control over it. God knows best. I sometimes wonder where I would be at if I hadn't made some of the choices I did, but then I think that I wouldn't have my sweet daughter or my wonderful hubby. WHEN I do graduate college, it will be so much more rewarding because I did it despite the trials I faced along the way. Victory will be mine.
Please don't judge me, I'm a perfectionist. Hahaha!
No comments:
Post a Comment