Up to Me?

I have this folder on my web page bookmarks called family planning. It contains all kinds of fun things like house plans, baby bedding, twin strollers, organization systems, furniture, and even private high schools (yes, my only daughter isn't even 2 YET). Essentially it's a hodge podge of things I might need in the future, or probably more appropriately titled things I hope I need in the future. As I was sitting here organizing my bookmarks folders (Yes, I'm that girl), I was thinking about some things I've learned in my spiritual journey over the last few months.

It's all His. 

Our house, my car, our money,  the food in our pantry, Trey, Ryanne, and more importantly my life. His.


Am I using it for His glory? Am I really listening when He speaks? 


Trey and I have made the decision to wait to try for another baby until I get into and further along in nursing school. But is that really our decision to make? My heart aches for another child, but yet we put it off with hopes that we will be able to provide more later. Like most parents, we want the best for our children: the best education, the best opportunities, and most importantly the best relationship with Christ.

But am I modeling the relationship with Him that I want my children to have when I'm not trusting Him to provide for my heart's desires? 

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.  ~ Philippians 4:19


The logical part of me thinks that it is so vital to make sure that I can provide for each and every child that we choose to have before even thinking about pregnancy. But is it my place to decide what "providing" is? As a child, I stressed about so many things that a child should never have to stress about, or even know about. I pray that my children never have those stresses. However, I can't help but think that those exact things play a HUGE role in who I am today. I love the Lord with all my heart, and I can't honestly say that my childhood didn't play a factor in that.

So I sit here and wonder . . . is it really my decision to make? Is it right to put off a blessing God may have in store for us for fear that I can't provide what I think is necessary for them? The rich, the poor, the young, the old, God loves us all the same. In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter if my children have the best education as long as they come to know Jesus as their Savior?

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