Monday, April 25, 2011

I learned

*Disclaimer: I typically do not write with profanity, nor do I condone its use but in order for you to fully understand the situation, I'm sharing the exact words that were said to me. Please excuse the curse words, and I apologize if you take offense.*

He stormed into the house, slamming doors and screaming profanity. The hollow walls echoed as he emphasized his radical thoughts. My sisters and I sat in their room trembling as his rage tore through the house.

We knew his next move would be directed at us. We just didn't know which one of us, or what for.

His footsteps stormed eerily down the hall just moments before he slammed the door open with emphasis that knocked the pictures off the wall.

"Leah, damn you! What the fuck have you done? Why on Earth did you have someone else look at my property?" he belted.

Earlier in the day, my car had overheated and my boyfriend suggested that something was wrong with the radiator. I didn't realize it was criminal to have someone keep my car from exploding.

Somehow my mother distracted him long enough to relocate his rage to their bedroom in an effort to diffuse his fury and keep my younger sisters from witnessing the terror she knew would ensue.

"Leah, damn it. Get your ass in here." he screamed as I stepped terrified into their room.

His fists shook as his thunderous body stomped toward me. He slung his arm into the air and through the wall, pelting my hair with sheetrock as I backed against the wall.

"I'm going to stick my fist so far through your Dad's skull that his brains come out the back. Who would even want such an ignorant child as you?"

Tears streamed down my face, and I trembled as his rant continued.

His fury was out of control. He thrust his arm toward my throat, pinning me to the wall as my heart raced and I gasped for air.

"Mike, let her go!" my mom cried.

"Shut up, Bitch, or you're going to be next," he responded with more fury than before.

She cradled back into the corner of the room, and I stayed within his grasp.

I clenched my eyes closed with all my might and prayed that God would stop his fury. Tears streamed from my eyes as I wished to just get through this moment. I knew God could get me out of it, and only God could get me out of it.

Somehow, through God's grace, he loosened his grasp and I sprinted free. I sprinted outside into the pouring rain. My tears melted with the rain as I ran down the street. My feet pounded against the pavement. I could hear the impact of each step, but it was not an impact of fear but of gratitude.

I got away, and I would never go back.

That instant taught me that it is not okay to be treated that way. It is not okay to dread the hour he comes home every night. It is not okay to fear every breath you breathe. It is not okay to have someone lay a finger on you.

It is not okay to dread each day. Thank God I don't have to.

This post was prepared in response to a RemembeRED prompt for The Red Dress Club. The prompt asked the writer to recall a time when something seemed horrible but, looking back, actually brought you something wonderful


Jenna said...

you were so brave to link up with this, and I am so sorry you had to live through it. I am grateful you got away and never went back.

Jennifer said...

First, thank you for leaving a comment on my post....and I want you to know, if you ever want to talk, please email me, I have been there and know exactly what you are going through,I am so sorry.

Secondly, I just love your disclaimer....I feel the exact same way.

Thirdly, you are very brave to post this, it is not always easy, and I am soooooooo glad it took that episode to learn that it is never ever okay to lay a hand on anyone.

ty said...

This was such a powerful story. I'm so grateful for strong, brave women in the world - women who realize that it's never okay to be hit, and that there is absolutely no excuse for it. You're ridiculously courageous for knowing to leave.

Anonymous said...

I didn't realize that I was holding my breath until I reached the end and exhaled with relief as your legs carried you away from the violence.

You were brave for running and even braver for sharing. Thank you.

Erin said...

Phew! I was holding my breath!
And you are right, it's NEVER okay to be treated that way! It took an abusive marriage for me to realize that!

I wish I could have been as brave as you were in the beginning!

Elena said...

I'm so sorry that you had to live through this and thankful that you did get away.

Charise @ I Thought I Knew Mama said...

This is really powerful and took my breath away!

Visiting from TRDC.

Dianne said...

Thank God. I'm thankful that you came out of that experience physically. I'm thankful that with God's help, you can come out of it emotionally, too. And I'm thankful that you shared it with us.
God bless you.
Dianne @

Elisa Heisman said...

Thank God you came of of that experience intact and don't have to deal with that ever again. I'm so impressed at how brave you were then and how brave you are now to share this with others.

I felt like I was right there with you and your writing had me on edge until the end.

Anonymous said...

I was holding my breath too. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It makes me feel sick to know that these kind of things still happen. I'm so glad you are a stronger person because of it.

Anonymous said...

You're brave for posting this, and I'm sorry you went through it.

You're right - no one should dread every day.

Galit Breen said...

This. Wow. This is so powerful and emotional. Horrific and downright scary.

You wrote it perfectly. I was right there with you, holding my breath, cheering you on.

I'm so sorry that this happened!

le Chef said...

You're right, it's not OK. You did the right thing .. as so many don't know how. It changes you, doesn't it? I believe it shaped me into who I am today. I'm sorry you lived this, but as a survivor you've strength to teach your children the difference.

Jackie said...

Reading this made my heart ache for you. I'm so sorry you had to deal with this and were brave enough to share.

Writerly Wanna Be said...

Good for you in many wrote and shared this, I am sure it isn't easy. There are people out there who need to know there is an escape. That you wrote is so does make you hold your breath and feel the suspense.


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